Men seem to find me funny. I’ve got a good (online?) personality and I seem to often take them by surprise. Or so they say.
But inevitably, at some point, they begin to describe me as cute. Or sweet. Or adorable. This *seems* to be the equivalent of a woman telling a man that he’s nice. It’s the kiss of death.
When we are looking for a romantic partner we are so often looking (if unconsciously) for raw attraction. We equate this feeling with “love” because of the power that it holds. And a cute, sweet, adorable woman doesn’t inspire raw attraction.
But that’s ok with me.
I just read a really interesting article “Should You Seek Chemistry or Compatibility in Your Love?” that contends that we should seek compatibility over chemistry. In fact “according to research cited in [Tashiro’s] book, lust declines at a rate of 8 percent per year of marriage, while liking declines at a rate of 3 percent”. So the lust will die off faster than the like.
(Although I did wonder if that 8% adjusted for the natural fall off of lust that my friends all describe after having had kids? )
Regardless. As important as sex is (and don’t get me wrong – it’s critical) I would rather find someone who I want to spend Sunday afternoon bowling with. The other stuff needs to be there but it won’t last long if you don’t genuinely like and enjoy one another.
So this cute, adorable, sweet woman will keep her status (even if I find it vaguely creepy and paternalistic). Even if it’s the kiss of death to my dating life. 🙂