Thicker Skin On Back Order…

I had a rotten morning.  And afternoon.

This morning started well.  I had a good sleep.  I lounged in bed and did some texting.  There was no line in Starbucks.  I didn’t hit any red lights on my way to work.

Then I got to work and all hell broke loose.  Let’s just say that this morning was the first time in 2 years that I really haven’t wanted to be doing my job.  I usually love my job.  The stuff that happened really wasn’t that big of a deal either.  Let’s just say that I have a thin skin and need to be less sensitive.  That I need to gain more confidence in my own abilities and stop second guessing myself.

I cannot count the number of times in my life that I have been told that I need to get a thicker skin.  That I need to be tougher, take things less personally.  I’m much better at this than I used to be but I still get easily blindsided and struggle to recover.  I still allow days to be ruined by my overly sensitive nature.

I occurred to me, though, as I was berating myself for being too sensitive, that I don’t seem to be experiencing these same self doubts with dating.  If someone ghosts I assume that it was their issue and not me.  I refuse to wonder “what did  I do wrong?” or “I’m never going to find someone”.  If they don’t like me exactly as I am… Well… I don’t want them.

I know that no one is going to like everything about someone.  I know that we all have annoying qualities.  I’m messy.  Hoard clothing.  Read an unhealthy amount.  (And I’m not even listing my really bad qualitites, haha).  The point is: I’m not even close to perfect.

I’d like find someone who sees past that and loves me anyway.  If I don’t find that person I’ll be perfectly okay with my cat(s).

Now.  How do I transfer this nonchalance over to the rest of my life?!

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2 thoughts on “Thicker Skin On Back Order…

  1. Perhaps you are looking at it from the wrong perspective. Your ‘thin skin’, while making you feel overly sensitive and reactionary, probably also allows you a greater degree of empathy and makes you acutely mindful of the emotional states of those around you. To use a horse analogy, if I may: the bombproof horse is calm, steady, and utterly desensitized to the surroundings. Great for skittish newbies, but useless for anything demanding attentiveness and swift reactions. Ever notice how race horses and dressage horses seem on the verge of a nervous breakdown all the time? But an imperceptible squeeze of the leg, and they can execute a tricky manoeuvre. Maybe you don’t need to get thicker skin, just refocus what you allow to get through. Skin is a selectively permeable membrane, after all.

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    1. Oooo, I like the idea of refocusing what I let through. I don’t want to be skittish and overly empathetic anymore… It’s too exhausting. But refocusing what I let through… That’s a great way to look at it.

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