I had a rotten morning. And afternoon.
This morning started well. I had a good sleep. I lounged in bed and did some texting. There was no line in Starbucks. I didn’t hit any red lights on my way to work.
Then I got to work and all hell broke loose. Let’s just say that this morning was the first time in 2 years that I really haven’t wanted to be doing my job. I usually love my job. The stuff that happened really wasn’t that big of a deal either. Let’s just say that I have a thin skin and need to be less sensitive. That I need to gain more confidence in my own abilities and stop second guessing myself.
I cannot count the number of times in my life that I have been told that I need to get a thicker skin. That I need to be tougher, take things less personally. I’m much better at this than I used to be but I still get easily blindsided and struggle to recover. I still allow days to be ruined by my overly sensitive nature.
I occurred to me, though, as I was berating myself for being too sensitive, that I don’t seem to be experiencing these same self doubts with dating. If someone ghosts I assume that it was their issue and not me. I refuse to wonder “what did I do wrong?” or “I’m never going to find someone”. If they don’t like me exactly as I am… Well… I don’t want them.
I know that no one is going to like everything about someone. I know that we all have annoying qualities. I’m messy. Hoard clothing. Read an unhealthy amount. (And I’m not even listing my really bad qualitites, haha). The point is: I’m not even close to perfect.
I’d like find someone who sees past that and loves me anyway. If I don’t find that person I’ll be perfectly okay with my cat(s).
Now. How do I transfer this nonchalance over to the rest of my life?!