Happy Birthday Me! (Ugh. I’m 30.)

I’m not always great at going with the flow.  I like to have a plan.  I like to know what is coming.  I like to anticipate the future.  Anticipation is one of my favourite things.

That probably makes me sound boring and staid: plain yogurt versus all the strawberry ice cream and chocolate cake that is out there.  And maybe I am?  But it’s who I am and I do have fun and spontaneity in me.  It’s just not what I lead with.

This past year has forced me to let go of my plans, to go with the flow.  I’m learning to like it.

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I had a picture of what 30 was going to look like.  The list of things I thought that I needed…

  • Marriage
  • House
  • Kids

My goals weren’t exactly earth shattering things.  They were normal, middle class, suburban goals.  Actually, they weren’t goals.  They were just the way that things were supposed to go.  That’s how life works.  It was a path that was very clearly laid out in front of me and I followed it.

What I want now…

  • Happiness
  • Kids
  • Travel

I know that it’s the least attractive thing that a 30 year old woman can say… but there, I’ve said it.  I want kids.

This doesn’t mean that I’m desperate, in a rush or baby crazed.  I just know what I want.

I want to know that it’s going to happen.  I want guarantees.  Just to know that, yes, I will have kids.  Life doesn’t come with guarantees though.

So I’m 30.  And it looks nothing like I thought it was going to.  And I’m happier than I’ve been in my whole life.

I need to breathe.  Trust.  Let Go.  See what happens.

My 30s are going to be great.  I have lots of time before my ovaries are dried up and useless.  Haha.

Breathe.  Trust.  Let Go.  See what happens.

Happy Birthday to Me.

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