A Melon Baller Removing My Eyeballs Really Appeals Right About Now…


I remember my first really bad headache clearly.

(Well, maybe it wasn’t the first, but it’s the first that I remember so… same difference really.)

I was probably about 6 or 7 and I remember feeling strange during PE.  Suddenly the room was a lot brighter then it had been just moments before.  A few minutes after everything got really bright my head started to pound.  It was as if my brain was swollen and pressing against my skull.  It was as if the lights had turned up several notches and then begun stabbing me through the eyeballs.

(In my memory this happens in the middle of a Lord Of The Flies style game of dodgeball and I end up on the ground being hits by millions of brightly coloured “soft” balls… but I’m almost positive that that’s just my over-active imagination.)

Anyways, swollen-brains and stabby-eyeballs, are how my headaches have been ever since.

I can always tell when I’m in danger of one of these lovely headaches.

This morning I woke up and I just knew that before the day was out I was going to experience some serious pain.  Sure enough, by about 12:30 the lights had turned up and by about 1:00 my brain was swollen and the lights were stabbing me through the eyeballs.

I managed to finish work and drive myself home and then I crawled into bed.

And then I crawled out of bed and into the tub (filled with roughly 75 million pounds of epsom salts and boiling hot water) because bed wasn’t helping.

And then I slathered myself with a ton of Young Living Essential Oils because my friend swears by them and they cure everything… right?

(I’ve been watching American Horror Story Coven of late and in a recent episode one character uses a melon baller to remove the eyes of another character.  This scene appealed to me today and played over and over in my head.)

Somehow, between the bed, bath and oils, my head came down to a reasonable level and I was able to get up and make myself a healthy dinner.  Then lay on the couch and stare at paint colours for an obscene amount of time trying to figure out what to have my place painted.

I hate these headaches.  Hate them.  They remind me that I am limited.  That I need to sleep 8+ hours each night or I will end up in pain.  That I can’t trust my body to just function, on the most basic of levels, day in and day out.  They make me want to use a melon baller to remove my eyeballs for goodness sake and I really do prefer eyesight to being blind.  (I think.  I’ve never been blind so I don’t really know this for sure.)

Days like this I am glad I don’t have kids.  Sort of.  Actually not really.  But…

(“Mommy’s just going to go into the other room and die now darlings.  Disturb her only if you want to die too.  Okay?”)

So my sympathies to all my fellow migraine sufferers out there.  The melon baller is really our only option.

Also… I was joking about the melon baller.

(Sort of.)


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