I’ve Got 99 Problems…

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Things that I allow to stress me out for no real reason…

  1. Money even though it’s not really that big a problem.
  2. The fact that the cat keeps peeing on the deck.
  3. Wondering if I’m really not doing my best at my job even though I’m not sure what else I am supposed to be doing.
  4. Why do my pantyhose always get runs right away?
  5. Why can’t I remember to get my eyebrows done more often?
  6. What is that lump that’s appeared on my eyelid?
  7. Why the hell don’t they make boots that fit my calves?!
  8. (Is calves the plural of calf?)
  9. Should I be illegally downloading my TV?  Won’t I go to jail for this?
  10. Ditto books.
  11. Am I too apathetic about politics?  How did I end up educating future generations about how our government works?!
  12. Should I be volunteering more?
  13. Should I do my Masters Degree?  (Please see list item #1 re: money.)
  14. I know for a fact that I am not eating enough vegetables.
  15. Are my ovaries going to dry up?  Is this a thing?
  16. If I do have children will I discipline them in the same way that I discipline the cat?  As in: will they too be completely out of control?
  17. Am I sure that I want children?
  18. Yeah, I’m sure.
  19. Kinda.
  20. Will I get lice from a student one day?  How will I survive this?
  21. What if I have kids and they get lice?   Can I trade them in at this point for newer versions?
  22. Why is my scalp suddenly so itchy?
  23. I have too much clothing.
  24. I have nothing to wear.
  25. Why haven’t I thrown out a pair of shoes since the year 2000?
  26. Will the cat somehow get stuck in the oven, dishwasher, or hammock?
  27. (Just a sec, I’m checking on the cat.)
  28. She’s fine.
  29. Why do I have to wear a bra?
  30. Why do bras my size cost so much money?
  31. Is is socially acceptable to wear my pajamas to the laundry room in my building?
  32. Why are my feet always so cold?
  33. Ditto my hands.
  34. Did I leave the burner on when I left the apartment this morning?
  35. How are all the homeless cats currently doing?  Is there some way that I can adopt them all?
  36. Am I getting wrinkles?
  37. IS THAT A GREY HAIR?!
  38. Should I feel like a real live grown up yet?
  39. At some point I’m going to overflow the kitchen sink or bathtub and then my neighbours are going to hate me.
  40. Am I neurotic?
  41. Can anyone tell that this is going on in my brain right now?!
  42. Why are lunches so hard to remember to make?
  43. Does the cat deliberately sit beside me just as I’m about to get up or does she just feel rejected by me every time?  Am I damaging her self esteem?

I’m gonna stop there… writing out all 99 would be way too stressful.  I think you get the picture.

What’s your list?

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2 thoughts on “I’ve Got 99 Problems…

  1. Meg’s, your blog is really good. Like Carrie in Sex and the City good. Seriously. It is witty, honest and hilarious. Love you girlfriend, and frankly, you will be a major blessing to any man you date. Keep at the blog, and being you. Xo

    Like

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