“Is The Sweetheart You Married The Husband You Expected Him To Be?”

Has anyone else ever watched Kimbra’s “Settle Down” obsessively?

No?  Shoot… It’s just me?

I find the song as catchy as its music video is disturbing.

The fashion and vibe of the video is very much 50s.  Are we seeing the past here?  Is this song written for our Grandmothers who really did have very few other options?

Or is she trying to say that we are still here today?

I don’t get it and it frustrates me.  I feel like it connects too much with my past experiences.  I feel like it accuses me, a woman who probably has said to her boyfriend in the past few months something about our potential-future-children having his nose, of being pathetic and desperate.  (OMG, that does sound pathetic now that I’ve put it into print).  I feel like it accuses me of wanting too much, manipulating to get there.  I feel like it consigns me to an unhappy future.

Baby there’s no need to run/I’ll love you well

It’s time to bring you down/On just one knee for now

It’s all about convincing him, whatever it takes.  It’s about manipulating men into wanting to be with us.  We are going to bring him down.

Are we women just that desperate?  Are our men just that resistant?

Are women conditioned to want marriage?  Babies?  If we were raised differently would we want different things?

I don’t know.  I suspect that my nature isn’t strictly because of nurture but I can’t ever know.

I suspect that men want these things as much as we do… Even if they feel a little less pressured about it.

I don’t really care.  I’m not some mindless product of social conditioning.

I mean.  I totally don’t think I am?

 

 

 

 

Overwhelmed…

I’m overwhelmed at the moment.

Overwhelmed by my job, by my house, by my life in general.

An example.  I cried in front of my boss yesterday.

Another example.  Today.

Today I decided to clean out my bedroom.  My bedroom has recently become a mess of epic proportions.  This is partly because I haven’t paid it much attention all summer and mostly because I recently got a roommate and moved everything from my spare bedroom into my (already full, already disorganized) master bedroom.

There were boxes of stuff everywhere.  Clothes everywhere.  I got up to pee at 5am and tripped 3 times just getting to the bedroom door.

I made a list of everything that needed to happen and I did well for the first half of the list (which was basically just moving everything that could be moved to the storage locker).  I then emptied the walk-in (which made the mess in the room worse but gave me “lots” of space to put things back).  I scrubbed the walk-in so that it was sparkly and clean.  I went through piles of clothing and came out with 3 large bags to donate.  I even got rid of 5 pairs of shoes.

I began to put stuff away and this was where I hit the wall.

See: there simply wasn’t enough space for everything.  I was starting to meltdown so I moved the remaining stuff along one wall (it’s less than half what I started with so that’s good at least) and decided to call it a day.

This would be okay except that most of my clothes are along that wall.  I guess I’ll just have to repeat outfits for the next few days.

Also this room MUST be organized by Monday night.  I can’t do another work week in this mess.

I don’t like myself very much for not being able to simply keep a tidy and organized house.  I am, after all, only one person and there is no reason for my shit to get so messed up.  

This is a first world problem of the highest order.  Our lives are full of a million artificial stresses.

I wonder sometimes if the artificial stresses are just a symptom of the real stress in our lives – as in our reaction to the artificial is greatly increased when we actually have real reason to be stressed out.

This quote is probably a bit dramatic but it sums up the past couple of weeks.

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It’ll get better.

I get frustrated because so many people in my life are so good at these things.  They don’t understand how I can’t just “get shit done”.  I compare myself to them and I berate myself a bit.

I mean, I’ll get everything done.  Things will calm down and look rosier next week or the one after that.  But right now?  I’m overwhelmed.

So.  That’s where I’m at.  How are you?