Overwhelmed…

I’m overwhelmed at the moment.

Overwhelmed by my job, by my house, by my life in general.

An example.  I cried in front of my boss yesterday.

Another example.  Today.

Today I decided to clean out my bedroom.  My bedroom has recently become a mess of epic proportions.  This is partly because I haven’t paid it much attention all summer and mostly because I recently got a roommate and moved everything from my spare bedroom into my (already full, already disorganized) master bedroom.

There were boxes of stuff everywhere.  Clothes everywhere.  I got up to pee at 5am and tripped 3 times just getting to the bedroom door.

I made a list of everything that needed to happen and I did well for the first half of the list (which was basically just moving everything that could be moved to the storage locker).  I then emptied the walk-in (which made the mess in the room worse but gave me “lots” of space to put things back).  I scrubbed the walk-in so that it was sparkly and clean.  I went through piles of clothing and came out with 3 large bags to donate.  I even got rid of 5 pairs of shoes.

I began to put stuff away and this was where I hit the wall.

See: there simply wasn’t enough space for everything.  I was starting to meltdown so I moved the remaining stuff along one wall (it’s less than half what I started with so that’s good at least) and decided to call it a day.

This would be okay except that most of my clothes are along that wall.  I guess I’ll just have to repeat outfits for the next few days.

Also this room MUST be organized by Monday night.  I can’t do another work week in this mess.

I don’t like myself very much for not being able to simply keep a tidy and organized house.  I am, after all, only one person and there is no reason for my shit to get so messed up.  

This is a first world problem of the highest order.  Our lives are full of a million artificial stresses.

I wonder sometimes if the artificial stresses are just a symptom of the real stress in our lives – as in our reaction to the artificial is greatly increased when we actually have real reason to be stressed out.

This quote is probably a bit dramatic but it sums up the past couple of weeks.

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It’ll get better.

I get frustrated because so many people in my life are so good at these things.  They don’t understand how I can’t just “get shit done”.  I compare myself to them and I berate myself a bit.

I mean, I’ll get everything done.  Things will calm down and look rosier next week or the one after that.  But right now?  I’m overwhelmed.

So.  That’s where I’m at.  How are you?

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