I’m overwhelmed at the moment.
Overwhelmed by my job, by my house, by my life in general.
An example. I cried in front of my boss yesterday.
Another example. Today.
Today I decided to clean out my bedroom. My bedroom has recently become a mess of epic proportions. This is partly because I haven’t paid it much attention all summer and mostly because I recently got a roommate and moved everything from my spare bedroom into my (already full, already disorganized) master bedroom.
There were boxes of stuff everywhere. Clothes everywhere. I got up to pee at 5am and tripped 3 times just getting to the bedroom door.
I made a list of everything that needed to happen and I did well for the first half of the list (which was basically just moving everything that could be moved to the storage locker). I then emptied the walk-in (which made the mess in the room worse but gave me “lots” of space to put things back). I scrubbed the walk-in so that it was sparkly and clean. I went through piles of clothing and came out with 3 large bags to donate. I even got rid of 5 pairs of shoes.
I began to put stuff away and this was where I hit the wall.
See: there simply wasn’t enough space for everything. I was starting to meltdown so I moved the remaining stuff along one wall (it’s less than half what I started with so that’s good at least) and decided to call it a day.
This would be okay except that most of my clothes are along that wall. I guess I’ll just have to repeat outfits for the next few days.
Also this room MUST be organized by Monday night. I can’t do another work week in this mess.
I don’t like myself very much for not being able to simply keep a tidy and organized house. I am, after all, only one person and there is no reason for my shit to get so messed up.
This is a first world problem of the highest order. Our lives are full of a million artificial stresses.
I wonder sometimes if the artificial stresses are just a symptom of the real stress in our lives – as in our reaction to the artificial is greatly increased when we actually have real reason to be stressed out.
This quote is probably a bit dramatic but it sums up the past couple of weeks.
It’ll get better.
I get frustrated because so many people in my life are so good at these things. They don’t understand how I can’t just “get shit done”. I compare myself to them and I berate myself a bit.
I mean, I’ll get everything done. Things will calm down and look rosier next week or the one after that. But right now? I’m overwhelmed.
So. That’s where I’m at. How are you?