Is this okay to say?

Is it okay to say that I am sick of being on my own?

Is it okay to say that I am tired of going to bed alone, getting up alone, making dinner for one?

Is it okay to say that I am tired of car repairs and house repairs and budgets?

Is it okay to say that I am tired of having no shoulder to cry on or share the load?

Is it okay to say that sometimes I get scared that this is it for me?

My life is full and fun and wonderful.  I’m not waiting for a knight on a white horse.  I’m not compromising on some man.  I am whole and fine on my own.

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This doesn’t change the truth that… being on one’s own? Some days it’s hard.  It’s so damn hard.

And some days that just soaks in and won’t let go.

So I go for a long walk.  Or sing for a few hours.  Or have a drink with a friend.

And it’s great.

But it doesn’t replace having someone to shoulder life with.

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I feel like saying “I’m lonely” or “I’m scared” isn’t okay.  But here’s my 3am confession…

I’m lonely.

I’m scared.

I know I can do it on my own.  I know that in the morning things will look brighter.  

But tonight?  It’s so damn hard.

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