I’ve tried writing this post in 10 different ways, and most people already know or have guessed anyways, but J and I have split up. Ultimately he didn’t see a future with me… And I need a future.
I was out with a girlfriend a week or so after it happened and she uttered these surprising words…
“Honestly? I’m really excited for you.”
Now this is a friend who thought J was great. Who was supportive and encouraging about the relationship. But she continued…
“Imagine being with a man who really wants you. Who begs you to move in with him, make a family together, who offers you a ring. Someone who initiates these things because he’s that excited. Someone who loves you that much.”
J is a wonderful man and I am so happy that I got to spend this time with him. I respect him, I like him, and I think we could have had a great life together. But he wasn’t excited about me. He was comfortable with me. This doesn’t say anything bad about him. It just is. Sometimes we love someone more than they love us. We deal.
Next time I need to demand someone who wants to move mountains for me.
Next time I need to understand that I am worthy of that.
Right now my heart is a bit battered. It’ll heal.
(It’s tough to consider going through this again though.
How many times can one risk their heart?)