I was watching Hector and the Search For Happiness the other day with my Mom. There is a great scene (in a movie full of great scenes) where Hector is on a plane ride to a country in Africa. He is sitting beside a friendly woman who is cradling her baby, a boat of calm in the sea of chaos that is this plane ride. She asks if he is married and, when he says no, she asks, rather incredulously: “why not?”. She goes on to say…
You know there is really only one question: Does this person bring you predominantly a) up or b) down?
(See below to watch this scene)…
I ran for a pen and paper to jot this moment down.
Because that’s it.
There isn’t some magic person, hidden in the mist, about to step out and change our lives. Or, rather, there is. But we choose who they are and when they are and why they are. We choose what we can and cannot live without. We choose what we can and cannot live with. And then we choose.
Hopefully we select someone who is a friend. Someone who will run us a bath after a long day, cooks us dinner when we’re tired, brings home a $3 bouquet of tulips, makes us laugh as we drift off to sleep. These are the little pieces of the puzzle that make up everyday and they are the pieces that we should be focused on.
Life isn’t fancy. It’s about the simple things, the little moments. If we make these little moments count… We are golden.
We are a generation of choice. I have 160+ matches on Tinder at the moment and about 30 messages that I haven’t even opened. It’s like being in a bar, full of available men, all the time.
I’ve been married. I know that there are wrong choices. That we can’t, and shouldn’t, always choose to make it work.
But get out of the bar. Give out your number once or twice. Try them on.
People are good. And fascinating. And some will fit, while others won’t. Some might have habits (aka dressing like The Fonz) that really are a deal breaker for you. Some might always miss the basket when they take off their socks at night (and this is probably okay).
And if you are okay with a person, if you think they are a good choice, that doesn’t mean that they will think the same of you. Keep going.
Love is a choice.
Keep trying for it.