September is a reset moment for me each year. Far more-so than January my year starts and ends each labour day weekend. It is something that is programmed in from our school days. September was new clothing, fresh pencils, empty workbooks. September was the start of the year you were going to be cooler, smarter, get your homework done on time.
Of course this is never how it goes. We are who we are and all the new clothing and pencils in the world cannot change us at our core. But we make small improvements each year if we are lucky. We grow. We move forward.
I have had a wonderful summer. I swam in lakes and oceans and rivers. I saw places I have never been. I stared out at scenery and marveled at how big and beautiful this world can be. I day drank in Ikea and laughed until my stomach hurt. I spent hours in cars with my sister and soaked up her company. I floated in my parents pool where we spent too many hours chatting. I enriched friendships with shared experiences. I followed my heart when logic just wouldn’t do.
But as of this weekend things reset for me. It is a return to routine, a return to my days having a rhythm. It’s the start of a new year and all that that entails. So what do I want for this next 12 months? I want to settle.
- I want to get up and go to bed at the same time each night. I want to start my days rested and ready.
- I want to cook good food and take the time to enjoy the process.
- I want to come home in the evenings and read a book in my hammock.
- … Or lay on the couch and laugh at a stupid TV show, head in a lovers lap.
- I want to go to the gym at the same times each week and get to know the people around me.
- I want to sing.
- I want to drink less and hike more.
- I want to take my Grandma for coffee each month and treasure her company.
- I want to ground myself in nature.
- I want to meditate.
- I want to worry less about where my life is headed and just enjoy the everyday.
I have some major changes coming up. I am moving home for several months and will live with my parents for the first time in a long time. I am working at a new place. Many would classify my Love Life an utter disaster. (It isn’t).
It’s like that first day back to school, crisp new backpack, a carefully considered outfit, newly sharpened pencils in a bright pink case. I can’t escape who I am and I wouldn’t want to. But I’d like to settle into her a bit better these next 12 months. Forgive her her imperfections. Cherish her.
This past year I often haven’t felt like a good daughter, friend, granddaughter, sister. I have been racing from one thing to the next. I have been disconnected from myself and those around me. I have let heartache eat away at me. I have put my energies into the wrong people and places.
I have been resetting that this summer. I have been trying to be better and truer to myself. I haven’t been perfect. I have done my best.
So I’m going to focus on myself this year. The people who are meant to be in my life will benefit from this. The people who aren’t? They’ll be fine too.
My goals are tiny. Manageable. Some might say boring.
They’re me. They’re the me that I want to get back to.