Millennials: Entitled? Or Simply Screwed?

Sometimes, as a Millennial, I get really resentful.  I get tired of the image of our generation being soft and entitled.  I’m tired of being told that we need to just “get on with it”.  This idea that we were simply given too many participation ribbons as children.

The fact is that the world has changed in the past decade… And Millennials are the fodder.

Tutitions began to rise and we came out  of university with record levels of debt.

Jobs, good and steady jobs, became a thing of the past, replaced by contracts that start and stop, and give very little security.

And, housing, dear God, housing.  In the Lower Mainland one can’t win.  Renting is too much.  Owning is too much.  We buy these little places, our small foothold into the market, and then can’t move up.

We put off marriage, babies, as we attempt to get a grip.

Millennials were sold the same picture as previous generations.  University degree, good job, house, marriage, kids.  Two cars in the driveway and retirement.  We are having to adjust our expectations sharply:  fair enough.

I don’t want a house with a two car garage and a yard.  Frankly, I hate yard work.  The  problem is that what I want (and what I hear my friends asking for) doesn’t exist.  We should be able to find high density family friendly homes.  A three bedroom apartment.  A co-housing community.  A townhouse complex with some grounds space and community gardens.  A home built specifically to use space well.  A day care that isn’t going to take up the lion’s share of our monthly income.  There are parts of the world that do this.

In North America it doesn’t exist.  It will.  For the generation coming after us.

We’re the fodder in between.  We are the transition point.

Many of us are only able to get into this housing market by piggybacking on our parents real estate “wealth”.  Their gains in this insane housing market have become our down payments, our ticket in.

What about those whose parents don’t have the ability to help?  It’s a systemic issue that excludes more and more people from “getting in”.  Hard work is no longer enough.

The argument that one should simply move somewhere less expensive makes me crazy too.  We can’t all pack up and leave.  What will happen to our communities?  Should we leave our aging parents all by themselves?  Youth, and families, create vibrancy.

I am 32 years old.  I have student loans from 5 years ago that should be paid off in 3 years.  I own my apartment.  I have a good job, a pension, security.  I am very, very lucky.

And yet I lay awake at night wondering how much longer I can put off having a family.  (That biological clock gets most insistent as the years slip away).  I wonder how I can afford a home that is functional for a family.  I am frustrated because, as an older millennial, I know that I am in a much better position than those born after me.

As much as many seem to point the fingers at the generations who’ve come before us… I don’t think that’s healthy.  I think that our position is unfortunate.  I think that our communities as a whole are suffering.  I wish I saw more action to make life here manageable for families.

I have faith that we are moving in a better direction.  I think that we are going to figure this out.

I think this is a post about housing.  About feeling stuck.  About the woman putting her laundry away at 5 am above my head as I stare at the ceiling, praying for those last two hours of sleep.  About yearning for a family (and a place to put them).  About realizing that I need less than I ever thought I did… But knowing that I’m not quite there.



Happiness is a Habit…

Life isn’t something that we can control.  Sure we do our best.  Good little scouts we try to live by that motto “Be Prepared” and have all our ducks in a row for the unexpected.

And the unexpected happens and it turns out we prepared the wrong ducks.  Or we didn’t need ducks, we needed foxes.  Now we’ve got a fox killing off all our ducks and all our preparation is out the window.

Don’t lie.  You totally get what I’m talking about.

My life has felt like this for years.  Years.  You are driving down a particular road, thinking it’s all good, and, sinkhole ahead!, you have to take a detour.  Or a whole new route.  Sometimes a detour turns into a new route.  Sometimes a new route is simply a detour.

I’m getting pretty good at this drive.  At the quick turns necessary, about letting go as much as I can and understanding that this is simply the way life rolls out for most of us.

Too many metaphors?  Perhaps.

I am really starting to crave a routine.  A schedule.  Go to work, exercise, cook dinner, work some more, read, watch TV, meditate, bed.  I want to do this again and again and again until the ground that has been constantly shifting beneath my feet begins to feel solid once more.

I’ve been too busy for a long time.  Most days I rush from work to a social engagement and get home in time to go to sleep.  I don’t take time to look after my home, cook, or just be.  I frequently stay out until 1, 2, or 3am and get up for work the following day at 645.  I am constantly low on sleep, out of healthy food (because I haven’t grocery shopped in weeks), and unable to find clean clothes.  I live out of a suitcase.

It is interesting isn’t it?  Some of us crave routine, sameness.  Some of us crave adventure.  Some of us, the lucky ones I think, crave both.  I’d like a bit of both.

We are warned, and rightly so, against the lethargy of routine.



But what of the success of carefully selected habit?  The person who practices yoga consistently, or runs marathons, or plays the piano?  These people did not succeed because of a lack of routine.  They succeeded because the did the thing they wanted to do consistently, until it became habit, until it became a skill.

What do I want to become a consistent habit?  Organization.  Exercise.  Happiness.

(And yes, I do believe that Happiness is a habit)


I’m not certain how I am going to get there.  But I know it’s my goal.


Is this okay to say?

Is it okay to say that I am sick of being on my own?

Is it okay to say that I am tired of going to bed alone, getting up alone, making dinner for one?

Is it okay to say that I am tired of car repairs and house repairs and budgets?

Is it okay to say that I am tired of having no shoulder to cry on or share the load?

Is it okay to say that sometimes I get scared that this is it for me?

My life is full and fun and wonderful.  I’m not waiting for a knight on a white horse.  I’m not compromising on some man.  I am whole and fine on my own.


This doesn’t change the truth that… being on one’s own? Some days it’s hard.  It’s so damn hard.

And some days that just soaks in and won’t let go.

So I go for a long walk.  Or sing for a few hours.  Or have a drink with a friend.

And it’s great.

But it doesn’t replace having someone to shoulder life with.


I feel like saying “I’m lonely” or “I’m scared” isn’t okay.  But here’s my 3am confession…

I’m lonely.

I’m scared.

I know I can do it on my own.  I know that in the morning things will look brighter.  

But tonight?  It’s so damn hard.

Money Honey… Should I Get A Roommate?

In a previous life I was an accountant.  With this comes certain responsibilities such as ocd-style spreadsheets outlining my budget and household expense percentages.

I’m going to over-share here and show you what my current categories and spending percentages are…

  • Housing – 49% (should be 20-30%)
  • Debt – 5.5%  (in range)
  • Transportation – 10.5%  (in range)
  • Groceries – 10%  (low)
  • Cell Phone – 2.5%  (usually not included in separate category)
  • Remainder – 22.5%  (I really need to break this down further at some point)

“Remainder” goes towards things like savings (HA!), entertainment, household maintenance, extra expenses (aka the $400 or so I plan to spend on my divorce this month), travel (HA! x2) and clothing.  12.5% of my gross income goes towards my pension so I’m kinda saving in that way… all of the other numbers above are based on my net income.

In the lower mainland I don’t think that it is practical (reasonable is a whole other story) to expect that our housing costs are below 50% of our net income.  Assuming that we want to own our home, live alone and live somewhere desirable.  This is a choice that I make (and one that I regret more than I care to admit).  If I get a roommate my percentages all change but the housing one comes down to a (much?) more reasonable 41% of net.

In my research I have come across many budgets… and all of them list entertainment as being around 5% and clothing as around 5%.  I’m probably over on both of these items.  I’m wondering if I’m the only one.

My entertainment budget has gone up, up, up since I’ve been single.  Not having someone at home (aka built in entertainment) I find myself going out much more often.  Because: why not?

Travel doesn’t fit into my budget easily but I hope that over the next couple of years, as my income increases, I should be able to start making that more of a priority.  It’s a priority to me to start getting out and seeing the world… and yet I’m uncertain as to how much I am willing to sacrifice for this.  Aka: Is it worth having a roommate if that suddenly allows me the chance to take an annual trip?


I’m not getting ahead (beyond building a bit of equity and my pension) but I’m also not getting behind so I’m going to call that a win for right now.

I keep looking at this point in my life as a little calm break… Assuming that one day I do end up married again and with children… This might be my only change ever to live alone.  Shouldn’t I embrace that?

What’s your budget like?  Have you ever broken it down?  Did the results surprise you?

Do you think it’s worth giving up my personal space to gain back that 8% of net?  I’m really torn on this whole roommate thing… Opinions would be great!